I haven’t been active here on the blog recently. At all. Like 2 weeks since my last post inactive. And there’s no reason for it. I simply got lazy.
I got lazy in a lot of areas of my life. I haven’t cooked a meal or packed my own lunch in weeks, I quit working out, and I’ve been doing absolutely nothing on my days off.
It’s so interesting to me how taking a few days off can snowball into just giving up and going back to whatever mundane existence I was living before I started trying. Trying takes effort, and for some reason, I give up on that after a while. It happens every time. I get complacent. I start thinking that whatever I’m doing isn’t that important, and I let other things take priority.
And by other things, I mean sitting on the couch and watching DVR with a bag of popcorn.
How do I combat that?
My goals in life are far beyond sitting on my butt and eating bonbons. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a time and place for relaxation. But there’s also a time to reach for what I want.
I’ve had a fear of failure since I was a little girl. If I try, I might fail, so I may as well not try at all. If I’m not going to do it perfectly the first time, I just shouldn’t bother.
Yes, I know that’s crazy. Probably because I’m cray cray. But if I want to reach my goals and my dreams, whether it be running a half or full marathon, losing the rest of this extra weight, going veggie (which soooo didn’t happen last month), advancing at work, or just having healthy, happy and fulfilling relationships, I’m going to fail a lot on the way. In fact, if I don’t risk failing, I can’t succeed.
So here I am, dedicating myself to the pursuit of failure and success. 2012 has had a lot of both. I got a job I love, and I’ve gotten pretty stable financially. I have almost a year in recovery from ED. But there are other goals I haven’t met. I didn’t run a half marathon this year. I didn’t lose the rest of the weight. I’m not back in school. But those will come. When I’m meant to have them.
My life plan 5 years ago is so laughable today because I have so much more than I could have begun to ask for. And the funny thing is…I have none of the things I asked for back then. But I wouldn’t be who I am today if things had happened the way I wanted.
Frankly, my plan probably would have led to divorced and materialistic by 25.
Today I’m going to spend some time goal setting. And then trusting that I will be given everything I need whether I achieve those goals or not.