Because I’m also in recovery from at eating disorder, I was a little hesitant to post my weight loss journey at the risk of sending a mixed message. However, since recovery is all about being proud of our accomplishments, I decided to go ahead and share. I’m especially proud of this weight loss, because I’ve slowly and steadily lost weight over almost a 2 year span. I’ve averaged a little over half a pound a week.
In January of 2011, I was at my heaviest weight ever, approximately 230 pounds. I don’t know the exact number, because I refused to step on a scale.
Keep in mind, I was still in the throes of restricting calories, then bingeing. That’s where ED got me. You know, besides destroying my self-worth, self-esteem, and health. Really fun stuff.
I began eating healthier and tracking my calories. Unfortunately, I quickly became obsessive about those calories. I still track, but only every so often, and usually if I’m starting to feel binge-tastic.
By summer, I had dropped 25 pounds, but I was still struggling with restrictive eating patterns, even though I was eating a “healthy” amount.
I plateaued here for a few months, until I was blessed enough to enter treatment for my disordered eating in January of 2012. As I began to learn how to treat my body better, I noticed that the weight started coming off without my fixating on every calorie in and every calorie out.
I mentioned in my running story that I began running as a means to my weight loss ends, but recovery is when I began running because it made me feel better. During this time, I dropped another 10 pounds without tracking calories, or jumping on the scale. The only reason I know my loss is because my dietician told me one day to show me that using food as fuel for healthy living was working.
I love this picture, because not only am I 35 pounds down in it, I look truly happy for the first time in a long time. I was taking a walk with one of my close friends, and we saw a playground and stopped to actually play. I would never have climbed something before…I would have been too afraid to fail because I felt my weight would hold me back. I felt free in this picture.
Since this picture, I have dropped another 10 pounds without focusing on it. Instead, I’ve continued to focus on fueling my body to help me get through an extremely active job and my workouts. I’ve found that by eating more than I ever believed I should, I’m finally getting the results I want.
Here I am just a couple days ago, down 45 pounds.
That’s an Olympic barbell that I’ve shed from my body. The average weight of an elephant’s heart. A 45 pound weight plate. That’s a lot of flippin’ weight!
But by doing it in a slow, steady, and finally healthy way, I’ve noticed changes besides my body shape. My hair, skin, and teeth look better. I have more energy in the day. I’m not burning up mental energy by obsessing over every ounce lost or gained. My happiness isn’t tied to the scale.
I still have a ways to go, but I don’t have a final number in mind. Somewhere in a healthy BMI range, a healthy body fat ratio, and the ability to feel confident in a bikini.
Today, I focus on victories that aren’t related to the scale, like running longer or faster, lifting heavier, trying a new food, or looking in the mirror and thinking “I look pretty today!”.
Those are the victories worth celebrating.